Confucius was a great sage and moral philiospher. His teachings form the foundation of Chinese culture and he is even today held in high regard among the Chinese. Followers of Confucianism worship Confucius as a common ancestor and benefactor of the people.
However, in the West Confucius has been used as a set up for cheap jokes which use "Confucius say" as an introduction or formula. Some of these Confucius say jokes are racist and sexist and all of them are irreverent. Quite a few are very funny. I have collected some of the less raunchy and offensive Confucius Says jokes. The jokes are obviously not based on anything that Confucius actually said, though they do owe something to his style of making pithy observations or aphorisms as a teaching tool.
Although this is meant to be a serious site about Confucius and his teachings, this doesn't mean that we can't have a little fun too.
 | Confucius Say: Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn. |
 | Confucius Say: Before giving someone a piece of your mind, make sure that you have enough to spare. |
 | Confucius Say: Man with feet firmly planted on the ground have trouble putting on his pants. |
 | Confucius Say: Man who fights all day with wife, gets no piece at night. |
 | Confucius Say: Man who sit on tack get point! |
 | Confucius Say: Man who run behind car get exhausted. |
 | Confucius Say: Man with feet on ground and head in clouds has definite NBA contract. |
 | Confucius Say: Man with one chopstick go hungry. |
 | Confucius Say: Wife who puts husband in dog house will find him in cat house. |